Wow! My body is so all over the place, all of a sudden I am hot, and it is crazy hot, and then I cool off and I get chilled. When I am hot, I also get really thirsty, I will drink a couple of cups of water, and then of course I need to go to the restroom. So this goes on all night. I felt Jim in the wee morning hours and he was all toasty warm and snuggled in the covers, I thought, “that is what a regulated body feels like”
Oh, I ache, it feels like little pacmans
are biting me and ripping off the skin. On my feet, inside of my legs, arm pits, under my boobs, and my back. I wonder if I can really wear a bra today. But I am suddenly hungry and I dive in and get dressed. When I get hungry I better eat, or shortly the urge will go to barffing. (This is so dramatic, and I know, but this imagery illustrates what I’m feeling well)
I look at my phone, a sweet message
What a blessing to know people are praying for me and contact me at just the right time.
Today was a smoothy day, strawberry banana with GC control, vanilla. It was good to get some protein down and get my blood sugar regulated. I had a piece of my homemade, whole wheat bread with butter on it and a little piece of apple crisp. Nice I was able to get down my vitamins and omega 3’s. I watched the end of the movie “Ester” for part of my scripture study.
I had some energy so I thought I would get some stuff done. I wiped down the kitchen and got it really clean and to my liking. I got some gifts ready for two daughters, who are having babies soon. Got dressed and put makeup on, then I opened my present from Heather, and posted a video on my Facebook page, “I am a Happy Girl.” Heather Baird gave me a basket of presents and told me to open one a day for a week. It gets me up and dressed, even down to the bra, every morning.
Oh no, I am so tired, I lay down and put I headphones in and listen to,”I Am” (on youtube) trying to build myself up and get in a positive frame of mind. I feel really yucky, I take some nausea medicine and still just cry. I am halfway through my chemo treatments and I want to do something with this down time. I just feel so nauseas and just lonely. I am really having a pity party, I want to see my dad and have him bring me some of his delicious apples off his tree. Then I look at my phone and my daughter needs me to call her. She lost her phone. I call and she needed me, my nausea turns to hunger and we visit, I encourage her. Funny how when I get out of my pity party and help someone, I am ok.
So the rest of the day is listening to music and working on the computer. I have had visitors come and bring me just what I needed, plums, fresh raspberries, mango lemonade, cucumber, and my dad’s famous crisp apples. A friend brought dinner, and I had 3 ribs! I had people listen, give me hugs, and love me. That is what is keeping me going. Many messages of hope and love. I need to remember these moments of love. Don’t let the downs get to down, and the ups get to up.
I just pray that as I go through more of this refining fire, I will be who God wants me to be.