My Andy finally found his Anne

My mom made me a Raggedy  Anne and Andy when I was a girl. I loved them both and they were in my room as a child and a teenager. They reminded me of my mothers love for me. The love of my mother and father and grandmother and grandfather.

When I was married at the tender age of 18 years old. They came with me.  They were set aside as my life as a wife, mother and grandmother continued. I found myself as a divorced mom after almost 25 years of marriage.

With the move and  craziness of a new life, my Anne was lost. I am not sure where or how.

As children have grown and left the roost and  I was able to have and office of my own . Andy found his own special place in my office. I kept wondering if Anne would show up. But she hasn’t and I have often wondered where she was. I have felt bad that I didn’t take better care of her. My mom had put so much time into them both. My mom is in Heaven and I cherish the things the she hand stitched.

I was needing some “retail therapy” yesterday and I came across a Anne. She is very similar to the Anne that is lost. The same size and pattern. Sewn for a little girl who probably lost the Andy. When I picked her up, she felt just right. The perfect companion for my Andy.

Their close don’t match

There hair is different

They are perfect for each other.

Just as I have found my, “Andy”

Anne had found her new home.

Father’s come in many different forms. I am so grateful for my Father and his example he has set for me. He has unconditional love.

My husband is a Father, grandfather, step-father, uncle and step-grandfather. He had been a divorced father also for a time. Just as my “Andy” was.

I often say that “I am so glad and thankful that I , “this Anne,” kissed “Andy,” my Jim  or we would probably still be dating! ”

We may not match

Our hair is different

Our children are different

But we found our “Home”

 

Which one are you?

Which child are you in this picture?

This Easter day I had the privilege of teaching 5 year olds in primary.

 The Primary is an organized program of religious instruction and activity in the LDS church for children eighteen months of age until 12 years old.

My husband and I were team teaching and I asked one boy which one he would be and act it out. He chose the boy folding his arms, another chose the one with the goat, and the only girl in the class chose the girl sitting at Jesus’s feet. They all got in their positions and looked at me with their big eyes as I asked them, “If you could ask Jesus any question, what would it be?” The beautiful 5 year old girl asked with all sincerity, “Am I good enough?” Another boy said,”Ya I haven’t been very good” then she said,”Ya , sometimes I just do bad things” The  other boy said that he didn’t know what he would ask.

As I look at this picture I believe I have been all of these children, and with tears in my eyes I told them that I hadn’t been very good either. But because of  Jesus Christ we are good enough.

Am I good enough?

I have done bad things

I hurt my brother

I snapped at my sister

I didn’t tell the whole truth

I though bad of my neighbor.

I am not good enough without my big brother.

My big brother takes care of me

He heals my brothers and sisters hearts

He helps me be impeccable with my word

He sends others to help me

To whisper in my ear to tell the truth

He sends angels to watch my back

When I have done all that I can

He puts his arm around me and says

You are good enough

 

 

 

Hope Lodge gave me,”Hope”

All my cancer treatments were a quick stay in Salt Lake City at Huntsman’s hospital and back home for the first while. I knew there where other people with cancer because I would see them for the day. But then I was back home to my own little world.

This all changed when I was told that I needed to continue with 18 radiation treatments. My aunt said that she would drive me every day from Bountiful Utah and take care of me. It sounded so comfy and perfect. I was worried about being a burden, but she assured me that it would be fine.

She came down with a terrible sickness right when it was time for me to go to radiation. We needed to make different arrangements. I was terrified. We were told about Hope Lodge that had just opened. I could stay there and they even had transportation for me to get back and for to the hospital.

To tell you the truth, I was so afraid to take care of myself. My mind wasn’t as sharp and it seemed like such a big city for this bald headed girl, not comfortable with herself.

My sweet husband got me settled in our room. He stayed one night, and then he had to go home for the week. As we sat in the dining room and kitchen area, I looked around at all the patients and care givers. I was much more healthy than most of them. I was one month out of chemo/RCHOP and was regaining my strength and had a little peach fuzz on the top of my head. There were so many sick people and I got mad. So mad that there isn’t a cure. Why are there so many people suffering! Why don’t we have a cure for cancer? Is this a big bad joke and people are suffering because of money. Are people just making money of us sick cancer patients? Why do we have this disease? I wanted to just scream at someone, and then I looked in there faces, and they have the same questions. Their eyes were so sad, their stomachs were so upset, their bodies were in pain, there was heart ache everywhere. Why was I here? I was the healthiest cancer patient there. I had made it through chemo/RCHOP. It was brutal and I had looked at death straight in the eye. Somehow I was saved… for now.

It was between Christmas and New Years. So he would come and get me and bring me home for the long weekend and then bring me back. I had 4 days to take care of myself. I acted kinda brave and he left me alone. I laid on my bed and sobbed… for about 15 minutes, and then I said, “What! I am alone, I am alone, I only have to take care of myself, this is a happy time, no kids, only me to take care of! ” And the party began. From that day on I didn’t leave my room until I was happy and ready to spread sunshine to all the other Hope Lodge patients and care givers!

I was no longer restricted to any diet. The RCHOP was done and I could take any supplement I wanted. It was my time to heal, to regain my self back. I had a month to do that, and it was wonderful.

I took my natural,’Energy shots’ before I even left my room in the morning. Smeared Renew lotion all over my radiation body, did yoga, and took care of me. I would get tired and only had so much to give others. But this is where I grew out of myself and even more into.”I am a happy girl”

Hope Lodge gave me… Hope

I have a Passion for Real

I have a Passion for Real 

Thank you mom and dad for teaching me what real is

Because now I know

I love real

home made bread

hand knitted items

quilt’s  stitched with love

warm chocolate chip cookies

real work, real job, real people

hand crafted pottery

925 silver

14 k gold

and because of you I know real

LOVE

No regrets

I have always been a woman who prays.  I have had many answers to prayers. I believe in meditation, prayer and even looking at nature and asking questions. I have so many questions about my life. What I should be doing? Am I doing enough? What are the  activities I should be doing today?

I am not sure why I am always questioning myself.  When I was a young mom I felt like I needed to earn more money. I felt like there was more month than money, month after month. Whenever I pleaded with God about my money trials, I always had the answer to practice music with my children. Through much creativity I was always able to pay for lessons. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that music was what my children needed. Through these life experience I ended up being a music teacher myself.

One time our family was blessed with and all expense paid trip to Jackson Hole Wyoming, performing for 3 days and 2 nights with  and a little extra money to boot! My son Tex was 3 years old and learned to write his name by signing his name over and over on our posters. It was the last time I made matching outfits for the entire family. I was reminded of this trip  this last week end while driving home after my son Jud took us on a elk wagon ride. He is he guide. He did such a fine job. He knows the facts, the right jokes and is just a all around showman.

As we drove out of Jackson Hole Wyoming, I knew that I raised my children the best way that I could, that all the sacrifice of lessons, all the pleading to God for help to make it to the end of the month was enough. They are all grown and I did enough. I did my best. My children had valuable lessons in our home that they are still using in their own careers.

Today as I prepare for my day, I am still pleading with the Lord, that I will do what he has planned for me. That I can contribute as a step mom the way I should. I live more comfortably than I have ever have but, I still have the same questions, What should I be doing? Am I doing enough? What are the most important activities I should be doing today?  I want to be who God put me on this earth to be. I want to look back on my life and say.

I did my best. I was guided. No regrets.