Happiness is a choice!

Am I hiding behind a mask?

12239529_1140955179267652_6676365686366219063_nOur family has been consumed with The Phantom of the Opera for many months. Caleb, Josh and Gabriel,  my step sons, were all involved in the high school production of this musical.  Here is Caleb as the phantom.

My job right now is to heal. It can be a boring and lonely job. But, it is my job and I am doing my best. As I was healing, I watched different versions of the phantom along with.”Love Never Dies” the sequel to the Phantom. I was able to go to the play opening night and closing night.In normal circumstances I would of gone every night. In both Phantom and the sequel the composer used Masks that not only the phantom wore, but that all the characters were wearing.

I have thought a lot about the masks that we all hide behind.  Sometimes I wonder if I am hiding behind my own mask, the mask of being a happy girl, to be honest sometimes I feel like I am!  Then I remember, it is a choice to be happy. I just came across a post I wrote to myself, before I knew what kind of cancer I was experiencing. In the dream I had the choice of whether I would live or die given to me. It was a life  changing experience for me, because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I should live.

I was in surgery,

I was floating as if I was in a hot air balloon

Like a feather

I was in my mother’s arms, she is small and sweet

I felt the strong arms of Tex,

I was in Heaven and it felt like Heaven!

So light and airy.

After conversation and hugs Tex told me I needed to go back.

I questioned him and asked if I could stay.

No, I had more work to do.

My question was,

Would I be able to walk?

talk?

Would I be in a handicapped body that would hold me back from the things I love to do?

He told me that didn’t matter.

I was needed on earth.

It wasn’t my time.

and so I am here.

My sweet mother and strong handsome son are in heaven, watching over me. As I take my own mask off and face the world with its challenges, I will remember… It is my time on this lovely earth and I will live. I will show my face and live without a mask.