“I want a man, whose children are all out of the house, well, maybe one little girl, and who is all about me and my boys!” I said to my friends as we sat around and talked about dating again after failing at the prior marriage. We all had our preferences of men. I was sure of myself. I had made a list of what I wanted and needed. If they didn’t make the cut, they were out. I had no time to waste on men that didn’t pass the cut. I was determined that if I was going to marry, he would match my list perfectly.
After another weekend going out with my friends to another singles dance, I was discouraged. “I am not going to find my match,” I said to myself. “I can be happy alone, I know I can, I am tired of dating and wasting my time. I need to focus on a career and a new life with my boys. “As I knelt down for my nightly prayers, I poured my heart out to God. “I am tired of heartache. Please take the desires of companionship away. Let my life be full of children, grandchildren and career.“
I started focusing on providing for myself and my children. I called a longtime friend and neighbor to help with a website. I had taught his children piano lessons before and I knew he would trade me lessons for a website. He had been divorced for 4 years. He was safe, he didn’t fit my list. He has 9 children and is not a cowboy. Two strikes and he is off the list of possibilities.
To play it safe we met for dinner and I had a meeting 1 hour after we sat down. I told him I would pay for myself. I missed the meeting I was supposed to go to after our dinner meeting. A week later we went on a date and I kissed him. (or we would still be dating 11 years later) We were married a month later.
How could I have the faith to marry a man with 9 children? The answer is I trust. I trust God. He is bigger than me. I believe in THE FAMILY: A Proclamation to the World, “THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife.”
Now it is our 11th anniversary. The first time I kissed him I felt like I was finally home. I will admit that I cussed and then paced back and forth. This was NOT on my list. This is bigger than me. This is way harder than I ever wanted. This coming home has stretched me beyond my own capacity.
I imagine to myself in my premortal life, this is how it went. I faced God the Eternal Father and Jesus my brother, with shoulders back and chin up, ” I want to learn everything I can on earth. Give it to me, I can do it! “ Jesus tilted his head and said, “This is going to be big, bigger than you can imagine,” I said,” Will you be there for me?” He said,” Every step of the way,” then I looked down in fear and quietly exclaimed,” Then I can do it.”
When your heart is torn in shreds
Why trust again?
Because growth is what we own.
It is ours to keep
This is the place to learn,
The place called earth.
You are not alone
I am not alone
We have our brother
Father
Watching over us
Believing in us
They are here to pick us up
How do we move past a broken heart?
We face the fear
Feel the fear
We do it anyway
Then we do it again
And again
Because
This is the place
Of maximum growth
The place called earth
When we leave our home
What do we take?
Knowledge
Growth
Experience
Love
Hope
Courage
Fear
Own it, it is yours
It is mine
What will you take from earth?
