Happiness is a choice!

The Shame of Cancer & How Being Impetuous Saved My Life

Really? Stage 4+ lymphoma, one week to live?

I am the healthy one, I actually prided myself in my poverty.  Yes, I was prideful that I was poor,  and I grew my own herbs and bought in bulk, capsuled them, and made my own vitamins. I had my children at home to save money and live naturally. We raised our beef and chickens, fresh eggs and organic beef and potatoes out of the field. Big garden and a variety of vegetables. I would process a whole deer right off the foothills into bottles.  We lived off the land, I was a hippy kind of farm girl. Pillar of health.  I swore that I would NEVER allow chemo in my body. If I could have a 10 lb baby at home and live off the land, I could beat cancer with natural remedies! Oh, the shame of “How can I face the world and admit that I have cancer? ” Just pure embarrassment. I started using oils and herbs that would fight cancer. I am confident that this prolonged my life by a few weeks. But it was no match for this fast-growing cancer.

My first thoughts were that I would just die quietly. It would be fast, maybe no one would even know it was cancer. My kids were pretty much grown, I had just turned 50, I had lived a wonderful life and now I had a new husband that embraced my impetuousness. He adored me, I was enough for him. Really, this life was enough for me. It was a life with many ups and downs,  and I had foutght a good fight.

Jim, my husband of just 7 years adores me was not going to give up that fast. It took us too long to find each other! He called a specialist in Salt Lake City and found hope and they were up for the challenge.  The cancer was from my chin to my ankles. Huge growths and intertwined cancer starting in my stomach,  throughout my heart and throat and down bowels, armpits, and legs. I was at the point that I couldn’t swallow food, it wouldn’t go down, so I was on a liquid diet.

We needed to act fast, a 5-hour drive to the hospital tests to make sure my heart was strong enough and if it had spread into any of my organs. Then start the R-CHOP treatment but almost double the rituximab. This was a situation, I will die if I do nothing and I may die with treatment.

I had about 5 doctors watching me, nurses and my sweet husband. I am tough and I thought that after having a 10 baby at home this would be a breeze. The impetuous decision to, “give it to me with your best shot guys, I got this” attitude was in full force. It was more than I imagined. All of a sudden I was trying to climb out of my bed and leave. It was like a monster was in my stomach trying to climb out. There was a war going on inside of me and I was about ready to explode. Modern medicine calmed the war and the chemo took me to the edge of death.

Because I was willing to take the chance, I live. It has been 2 years and a long road of babying myself back to health. I am not the pillar of health anymore, but I am a miracle, and by the grace of God, modern medicine, natural remedies, my impetuous manner and a husband who adores me, I live, so I will live.