Hope Lodge gave me,”Hope”

All my cancer treatments were a quick stay in Salt Lake City at Huntsman’s hospital and back home for the first while. I knew there where other people with cancer because I would see them for the day. But then I was back home to my own little world.

This all changed when I was told that I needed to continue with 18 radiation treatments. My aunt said that she would drive me every day from Bountiful Utah and take care of me. It sounded so comfy and perfect. I was worried about being a burden, but she assured me that it would be fine.

She came down with a terrible sickness right when it was time for me to go to radiation. We needed to make different arrangements. I was terrified. We were told about Hope Lodge that had just opened. I could stay there and they even had transportation for me to get back and for to the hospital.

To tell you the truth, I was so afraid to take care of myself. My mind wasn’t as sharp and it seemed like such a big city for this bald headed girl, not comfortable with herself.

My sweet husband got me settled in our room. He stayed one night, and then he had to go home for the week. As we sat in the dining room and kitchen area, I looked around at all the patients and care givers. I was much more healthy than most of them. I was one month out of chemo/RCHOP and was regaining my strength and had a little peach fuzz on the top of my head. There were so many sick people and I got mad. So mad that there isn’t a cure. Why are there so many people suffering! Why don’t we have a cure for cancer? Is this a big bad joke and people are suffering because of money. Are people just making money of us sick cancer patients? Why do we have this disease? I wanted to just scream at someone, and then I looked in there faces, and they have the same questions. Their eyes were so sad, their stomachs were so upset, their bodies were in pain, there was heart ache everywhere. Why was I here? I was the healthiest cancer patient there. I had made it through chemo/RCHOP. It was brutal and I had looked at death straight in the eye. Somehow I was saved… for now.

It was between Christmas and New Years. So he would come and get me and bring me home for the long weekend and then bring me back. I had 4 days to take care of myself. I acted kinda brave and he left me alone. I laid on my bed and sobbed… for about 15 minutes, and then I said, “What! I am alone, I am alone, I only have to take care of myself, this is a happy time, no kids, only me to take care of! ” And the party began. From that day on I didn’t leave my room until I was happy and ready to spread sunshine to all the other Hope Lodge patients and care givers!

I was no longer restricted to any diet. The RCHOP was done and I could take any supplement I wanted. It was my time to heal, to regain my self back. I had a month to do that, and it was wonderful.

I took my natural,’Energy shots’ before I even left my room in the morning. Smeared Renew lotion all over my radiation body, did yoga, and took care of me. I would get tired and only had so much to give others. But this is where I grew out of myself and even more into.”I am a happy girl”

Hope Lodge gave me… Hope