#I am a happy girl, #happiness is a choice. This is a cliché that we all know, but how is it a choice? How can you and I be happy when life happens?
I was 44 years old when I married a long time friend and the man I lovingly call my ,”Sexy beast husband” I knew
the moment I kissed this man, my life was bigger than me, because together we have 14 children, 10 boys and 4 girls. But we only had 9 children at home when we tied the knot, 8 boys and one girl.
I believe when you and I make a choice, big or small, it is like a hot air balloon ride. 
We have some navigations but in reality we don’t know exactly where we will land.
I can tell you from experience that my life every day, is exactly like several hot air balloon rides. Even at this moment I don’t where this message is going to land.
I personally call these moments of uncertainty, floating in the air and wondering where I am going to land, Bald headed moments. I wish you all your own Bald Headed Moment. Why you ask? When I accepted my bald head, I discovered we all have bald headed moments. Moments of vulnerability and insecurity. When I embraced my bald headed moments, I found strength and I progressed. So can you.
I know you have had these bald headed moments, with or without hair, when you just don’t know how you are going to move forward.
It took me loosing my hair and my identity, to realize this.
in 2015 I was told that I had stage 3 lymphoma cancer and many doctors believed I a week to live. I didn’t want to have chemo and loose all my hair if I was going to die anyway. I wanted to look good in my casket! Being a mother of a hair dresser my identity was very much my hair.
In this bald headed moment
my husband took me in his arms I had a small amount of hope.
Hope can feed the flame inside. Through my weaknesses I found strength. I could not control or predict what was going to happen next, but I was on the big long balloon ride. I was hoping for a safe landing.
I was on my 1st outing by myself without hair on my head. I felt like the world was staring at me I thought maybe I should just hide for the next year or so. But I ventured out. As I looked at the groung I heard a friendly,”hi, how are you today?” I looked up and met a smile and said ‘hi’back. That surprised me because I am usually the one to say hi and try to cheer up others. They I walked into a stor. Ther wa a little girl running around with other children and just like me hsa had a shiney bald head, but she had a big head band and bow on top. She wa happy ad carefee. Right then and there I steped out of the moment adn decided that by me being embarrassed I was making otheres uncomfortable. I decided to be me. This was the beginning of reshaping my identity after loosing it.
When I realized how expensive a wig would be, naturally being a cattle ranchers daughter and former rodeo queen, I chose new cowboy boots, to me they represented hope. Hope that I would beat cancer and live long enough to wear my new cowboy boots and have hair.
I let myself be in a Bald Headed moment for a couple of weeks when I was bullied by people that believed that my cancer experience was karma and I did something to deserve it.
You have been there, you have felt the wrath of haters, because haters will hate, and as Taylor Swift says it best,, shake it off, shake it off.
I wish you all a Bald headed moment. Because by going through pain and loss, if you let it, you will be able to define who you really are.
Bald Headed Moments
Balloon, Hope Moments
This is an unexpected parallel. I personally like it this way because such is life. Always unexpected.
Bald headed Moments are unavoidable. Some I have experienced are Fear, hate, tragedy, sadness and helplessness.
We all have big bald headed moments and small bald headed moments.
Such as this cancer experience was a pretty big BHM for me and those who love me. I can’t say that that is really the hardest moment of my life. Yes, my job was to stay alive, and that was a big job. What about the moment when you are criticized or bullied? I actually had one hater say to me,”finally my hair is longer than your! ” That is a moment inside a moment.
When we are in a BHM it is the moment that we make the choice to move forward, backwards or stay.
Sometimes we hold on to these moments for years. I was bullied by an unknown group from my high school. They wrote me a note on how they didn’t like what I had done as the mascot of my school. It was mean and they were cowards and didn’t sign it. I don’t remember who gave it to me, but it devastated me. I stayed in that moment of devastation to my school peers for 30 years. Then when I was at a class reunion, I suddenly felt a love for everyone and was able to forgive. It didn’t matter then a few weeks before graduation and doesn’t matter now.
I have learned that when we are on our ride of life we need to find hope. Hope in the next minute, in the next day, in the future.
Death is a part of life and many time leads to a bald headed moment and understandably so. My son died from influenza in 4 short days when he was 18 years old. I have relived that moment over and over. As I look at this …I also remember the pure joy he brought to many. This helps move out of the moment of heart ache. He is my big strong healthy super hero.
A big strong healthy super hero. This moment rocked my world and I was unable to move out of that moment for a very long time. I believe I will have one foot in this moment for the rest of my life. I was between hope and the moment for years. I have been able to light the flicker of hope and move on in this world. I believe he is my own personal guardian angel.
Bald headed moments can be really big or small. We have these moments happen every day every moment. How we react in the moment is where we get results.
I was taking a present yourself class and found myself being judged on a short presentation. There is on thing that I am curtain of and it is that I have enthusiasm. I was sure I was going to really rock this 3 minute speech. I was prepared. 5 others were evaluating me scoring 1-10.This was to be a helpful, useful opportunity. We were handed our papers after everyone had finished their presentation. The final speaker was talking and I just had to peek. I have a very low score from one of my peers on enthusiasm. I was devastated. I felt the tears swelling up, cuss words and name calling were running through my head, this was defiantly one of those BHM moments. I took a big breath, talked myself out of falling apart and that I could hold it together for 15 min until break. Then I would look at the judging sheets closer, give myself 1 minute to cry and cuss, then look at them with new eyes and be over it.
I realized it wasn’t that big of deal. When judging most competitions you take out the top and the bottom. I knew it wasn’t true and if it was it was just an opinion. I was able to get through that moment in 1 minute and that was much better than the 30 years it took me to love and forgive my class mates from high school.
As you go through your bald headed moments of every day and every second. I wish you a wondrous ride over and over.
When you don’t land where you thought you would I ask you to have hope. Look for the little flicker inside and hope, you might need to get you some boots!
In that moment of embarrassment, shame, fear, anger, and devastation, I hope for you. I hope you can be in the moment and move forward.
You will have bald headed moments, with or without hair, you can reshape your identity after losing it.
Your strength is not in your hair Samson.