It may be the Chemo Curls
by Carol Sevy
I would really like to tell you,
I have it all together.
But I don’t.
It may be the Chemo Curls?
My mind is racing,
My heart is beating, (I am thankful for that)
I wonder with each new curl on my head,
Comes a new crazy Chemo Curl thought?
I was driving down the road and suddenly had the urge,
Can I take that corner going 50 miles an hour?
I reign myself in and remember that I am not on my horse.
This is not barrel racing.
I have a few more Chemo Curls.
She looks familiar
Is she new at church?
I ask where do you live?
She is my renter …
I talked to her yesterday
It has to be,
Chemo Curls.
I buy 100 unique containers. 
Plants to separate,
Sand, dirt, rocks.
Where do you put 100 new plants in your house?
You don’t!
Maybe it is the Chemo Curls?
I hear my son cuss.
Where did he learn that?
Oh, it is me.
I promise myself to watch my mouth.
I hear myself cuss,
Chemo curls??
I laugh uncontrollably at a joke I made.
Others don’t even smile.
My husband kindly helps me realize it isn’t funny.
But I am smiling from ear to ear,
I will blame it on Chemo Curls.
I burst into tears.
It is a silly TV show.
Not really sad.
Not really happy.
Chemo Curls are all over my head.
I dress in layers.
T -shirt, long sleeve shirt, jacket, scarf, hat
Off one at a time.
On one at a time.
The Chemo Curls are getting to me.
My nerves are shot.
I am acting so strange.
But maybe I have always had?
Chemo Curls.
This week has had its ups and downs. I feel anxiety, excitement,I am flustered and unsure what my future will bring. I see others who have their own problems and I have a new understanding. They or their loved ones may not have cancer, but their trials are real.
I just know what my thoughts and prayers are. I don’t know what I will do if I need to continue to face this cancer. I want to be better and move on with my life. On the other hand I wonder how I can be so selfish while so many of my friends are sent home to die. It seems like it is a lottery. I want life for everyone! That is what our Savior Jesus Christ has given us, eternal life, we all will live.
One way I cope is to make a joke. Other times I want to break things. Often I just want to dance, move and work my body hard. Exhaustion is my friend.
I am so thankful for the prayers and support of others. I love you all. This experience has brought out friends from the past, new friends and appreciation for God’s gift of life. If I win this lottery of life at this time, I hope I will appreciate it and that I live better. I vow to continually improve, appreciate more, judge less and love more.
My thoughts are random and real. Here is a video of my plants and thoughts, and Chemo Curls, the last Sunday before the big news!
Somehow I was able to get Maresa involved in my addiction of plants and dirt! Friends are the best!
