What is your Bald Headed Moment? How do you move from Hopeless to Happy?
It was my first time out on my own, on this summer day. I had a cute hat on my shiny bald head and was feeling a little sick from the chemo treatments, but I just had to get out. I felt like I had dealt with it well and decided to walk around downtown and go to my favorite store. All of a sudden I felt so embarrassed, I just looked at the ground. Maybe no one would notice that I was a skinhead under this hat. I saw her eyes, she was shocked, the little girl held tight to her mom’s hand. I love children and I was scary to her. I looked down and tried to hide. The mom said a cheerful, “Hello, how are you today?” It took me out of my trance and I looked up. I smiled back and said, “Hello.” As I walked the next block, I decided that I would make this trip fast, it was odd, so not like myself, I was usually the one to smile and say hello first.
As I entered the store there were wild children running in circles while their mom was checking out. One little girl had darling summer outfit on and a bald shiny head, just like me. She had a big head band and a bow tied around her head. She was just another one of the children. Getting into mischief and running like a carefree happy girl.
What was wrong with me? I realized that I was making others uncomfortable with my embarrassment. This is how it is going to be for the next… who know how long. I made the decision then and there, I was just going to be me. I didn’t want to make everyone around me uncomfortable, maybe for the rest of my life.
This experience was life changing for me. It needed a name. For me, “bald headed moment” says it all.
I have since realized that I have had these moments all my life. I will have more. I have also realized that I have a choice to be hopeless or happy. It may take some time but I choose happy for my benefit and for the benefit of others.
One bald headed moment that will stay with me forever is when I was told that I had cancer and I had a big full head of hair at that point! My mind immediately went to cancer means chemo, will I loose my hair? The family doctor called after the first C.A.T. scan and said, “Carol, I am so sorry. This doesn’t look good. You have a 17cm.mass in your abdomen. It is wrapped around your aorta… ”
I collapsed to the floor and commenced to have an out of body experience. It felt as though my spirit came out of my body and we looked at each other face to face and my spirit said, “this is your life, this is real” and my body, I said,” NO! NO! No! this is not what I signed up for! ” and we argued for quite some time about my life, and finally my spirit went back in and I had the choice to be hopeless or happy.
As I look back on my life I have had a few of these moments. Moments that are bigger than life. My spirit and I had to have a many deep conversations. One was when I was really into watching “The Bachelorette” on TV. This was before Hulu and it was my only chance to see who the beautiful girl was going to pick for her husband. I had been watching the entire season, one episode every week. She was standing there ready to pick the love of her life and the phone rang. It was my dad, my mom had died.
My world stopped. I was an orphan child. My spirit and I had a discussion about this. I said, “This is not my life, I did not sign up for this, I need to have my mom.” I was 39 years old, had 5 children of my own, I still wasn’t happy about it. I had the choice to be hopeless or happy. By the way, I have never watched The Bachelor or The Bachelorette again.
Soon after my mom’s passing, my marriage dissolved. It had been rocky from the start, but it finally came to a head. Even with a restraining order for 6 months, I couldn’t get my head around the fact that my marriage of 24 plus years was not going to make it. I had hundreds of bald headed moment through this divorce. I would have discussion after discussion in my head! I can’t tell you how many times I would yell, “This is not my life, I am not a divorced mom! ” But I was, and yes, I still had the choice to be hopeless or happy.
When I kissed my future husband this was a good bald headed moment. I cursed and stomped my feet. This is not how I pictured that my life was going to be. This was much bigger than I could even comprehend. I very vocally had a conversation with my head. I was laughing and crying in disbelief. Happiness that I felt that I was “home.” I felt so loved and safe in this man’s arms, as I did the moment I was placed in my mothers arms. I talked face to face with my spirit and explained that this was way, way bigger than I ever imagined. My spirit said,”Yes, 14 children is way bigger and better than you can ever imagine. Yes you will be stretched beyond imagination, you will to choose to be hopeless or happy.”
So as bald headed moment come into your life, I would love to hear how you were able to rise to the top. How you were able to move from hopeless to happy.